One of my most prized possessions is my health and vitality. I didn't think I took it for granted. No sir. Especially in my line of work, where I have the privilege to work with people during devastating illness and injury or at the end of their life. But when I experienced my own (relatively minor) physical injury last month I had an opportunity to learn a few lessons about myself, my body, and how I can live my life.
I started the year off with action. On January 1st I completed a Yoga Mala Practice of 108 Sun Salutations with a dear friend and teacher, Jenn Maniates. It was tough but amazing! And I went home and rested and soaked in epsom salts, as advised. Then my partner and I travelled to Kripalu for a long weekend of yoga and hiking (and also some dancing thrown in). I felt great! My body felt strong and my mind was clear. So ready to take on the new year. But then, a few days after returning home, I hopped out of my car to walk into work and something happened. All of a sudden I could barely walk (let alone do dozens of poses or hike a mountain). I am lucky enough to work with some really skilled Physical Therapists and as soon as I walked into the building I heard "what happened to you??" You can't sneak any gait disturbances past them!
It turned out that there was a fancy name for my injury: I "overdid it." Too much flexibility and not enough strength around my hip caused irritation and pain in the joint and nerves. It was weeks of rest and rehab before I was pain free. And I was so impatient, I thought I would never feel better again. As I started to ease back into my normal activities, the many gifts that came with this injury came into the light.
I finally went to a yoga class last week. I did the whole practice but took a lot of modified poses. I approached my teacher after class to tell him the whole story, how I was recovering, and all I was discovering in the process. When I was done, he said "congratulations!" I smiled and thanked him, because I did uncover many gifts in this experience.
1. You don't know what you've got till it's gone. I thought I was grateful for my health and physical body. But once it was not available to me, then given back, THAT'S when I was REALLY grateful. Trotting up the stairs, sitting cross legged without pain, and just generally moving around pain free is such a blessing after knowing the alternative. I will treat my body with tenderness and gratitude.
2. My injury colored everything. This particular lesson works in two directions. First, it reminded me that there is much more going on for people than meets the eye. My pain and lack of mobility made me cranky and sad, but it was pretty much invisible to others around me (except my rehab therapy friends who could detect my limping a mile away). Compared to some, my injury was brief and mild, but it had a major affect on me. Especially because I was exploring it as more than just a physical injury, and lots of thoughts and feeling were coming up around it. There is a quote I love "be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." And I will.
But also, I had an opportunity and a responsibility to put aside my thoughts and fears about this injury, put it in perspective, and (as the now famous British WWII poster says) "Carry on." I will keep calm and carry on.
3. Even something healthy can cause injury when not in balance. As I hobbled around I thought "but I was doing healthy things!" I am naturally flexible, but others are naturally strong. And we tend to prefer exercise that comes more easily to us, so even in my strength building yoga classes, I was tending to sink more into flexibility work and skip the heavy strength stuff. Now I know, when you stretch yourself, you have to protect yourself... or you wreck yourself. And yes, exercising is healthy, but too much of any one thing can throw us out of balance. The same goes for healthy eating. When choosing food becomes so strict that there is no pleasure, we miss out on one of the important ways food and other things we consume "feed us." I will seek balance in all my affairs.
4. Mindfulness goes a long way. After learning all about the way hips work, and asking tons of questions about exactly what was going on with my pain, I began to notice all the ways I created this weakness/imbalance in my body. I realized that I often cross my legs tightly, or stand in a funny unsupported way, or move quickly in and out of twisty positions. Bad habits formed purely out of living day to day and not knowing the affect they have on me. It reminded me of teaching my patients abdominal breathing, and how they often say they had no idea there was any other way. Mindfulness is a practice, thus it is not meant to be done perfectly all the time, but the more mindfulness and awareness we can bring into our every breath, every movement, every interaction, the more we can create the experiences we want. Now, when I am standing in line at the grocery store I can check my posture for places I am sinking into those bad habits, forgive myself, breathe, and correct. I will bring more mindfulness into my physical body and my life.
5. Doing less can be so much more. I've been back to my regular activities for a week or two now, and the most important lesson I've learned is that "less can be more." Before this injury, and especially when I was new to yoga, I would always reach for the deepest expression of the pose, and that felt good. But now that I have more experience, I see the benefits of building a pose from the ground up and attending to the subtle alignments and micromovements within each pose. I really value exploring these subtleties and I can feel how this work is what makes me grow, not the fancy body positions (which can be a nice bonus of a developed and advanced practice). I took a class with a favorite teacher recently, and I gingerly moved in and out of poses, caring for my still-recovering hip. It was a powerful and centering practice. We ended with a simple spinal twist and I could feel this twist in a whole new way, just because of how attentive to my body I had been. It was divine! When I drove home, the snowy landscape made me happy in a new way. And once in my cozy house, my cup of tea sweetened with maple syrup tasted incredible. All of these thoughts and sensations were hightened because of my careful and thoughtful attention to the subtleties of my body. I will explore doing less to see what more it will bring.
These lessons came from my yoga practice, but I believe they are beautifully applicable to many situations in life. I can see many places where I can find more balance (in my schedule, my food, and my relationships). I can see where I can experiment with doing less (in interactions with friends and clients, in my daily activities). Can you? Can you see the gifts in an unfortunate or inconvenient situation in your life?
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